


The Forgotten Cycle(s)

by j_whirl44



Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: Gen, Lucretia just....remembering everything, bc i.......have so many feelings about her, will update tags while updating !
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-18
Updated: 2020-09-03
Packaged: 2021-03-05 02:21:10
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 7,055
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25366759
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/j_whirl44/pseuds/j_whirl44
Summary: The memories are all she has.
Relationships: The Director | Lucretia & Barry Bluejeans, The Director | Lucretia & Davenport, The Director | Lucretia & Everyone, The Director | Lucretia & Lup, The Director | Lucretia & Merle Highchurch
Comments: 7
Kudos: 5





	1. The Lonely Journalkeeper

_ She wakes up and her team is gone. The ship is in shambles and mostly on fire. It’s dark and she can’t see much but she knows she has to move now, she’s too far out into the open. She gets up and tries to gather as much as she can but everything is blown everywhere she can’t tell what’s hers. She has enough to head out so she makes her way towards the planet. She hears something trapped behind fallen debris. She follows the sound and sees Fisher, a little worse for wear but overall fine. She picks him up carefully and he lets out a soft hum, nuzzling into her. _

_ Adjusting the both of them, she heads out into this unknown land, hoping her friends are alive. There’s a lot of close calls in the beginning months as she finds her barrings, but eventually she find a cave and enchants the fuck out of the entrance to keep away any unwanted visitors. _

_ At night she lights fires just so she has something to do. When she has the energy she makes shadow puppets for Fisher to entertain him. He usually tries to respond with shadow puppets of his own but he never quite manages it. Lucretia smiles at his attempts and the two of them spend their days inside for the most part. She wonders how much like home it feels to Fisher. The damp confines surely remind her of the caves, although this one thankfully smells better. _

_ She trains in her time. Her magic grows stronger, more powerful. She makes sure Fisher is safe and protected as she braves leaving the cave, her wand gripped in her hand as she forges the land for anything to survive. She’s learned how to watch and listen for anyone or anything that could do her or Fisher harm. _

_ She makes it back by nightfall every day and she uses her time before bed to just write and write and write. Fisher is close by her side. _

~_~_~

She watches as Fisher hesitantly reaches out his tendrils and takes the beautiful book as it floats in his tank. She sees him begin to consume it and for a brief moment her head gets fuzzy and there's a ringing in her ears, but it's so faint and passes so quickly she's not even sure it was real.

But she still remembers them.

The crooked smiles of Taako and Lup. The shy eyes behind Barry's big frames. The constant smirk and raised eyebrows on Merle. The strong stance of Magnus. The confident stride of Davenport.

She remembers. And she watches as Fisher consumes more and more and she knows she's forgotten.

"Lucretia...what...what are you-" she hears Magnus say and she freezes. She can't turn around. She sees Fisher reach out towards Magnus and _ she can't turn around. _

He's not supposed to be here. How did he get here so fast? She can’t help but smile as she thinks it’s just The Protector rushing in to make sure she's alright.

"Magnus. Magnus I'm sorry you're not supposed to be here I-" she pauses as she finally turns around and sees the raw confusion and pain on his face and she hears Fisher give a small cry and she wishes so badly in this moment that she can forget.

She tries to explain further while also begging him to sit down so he doesn't hurt himself. It's too late though and he falls to the ground in a heap.

The book in Fisher's tank is gone and she walks towards Magnus. She brings a hand to his cheek and rubs a thumb along it. "I'm so sorry, friend. I will fix this..." she whispers. She leans down and kisses him on the forehead.

~_~_~

_ It’s after the world’s worst party when she sits alone at her desk. She can’t get the defeat and somber look on Lup’s face out of her mind. The carefree attitude of Merle still wasn’t sitting right with her. She saw it in the other’s too. Barry trying and failing to comfort his love, Taako’s usually quick witted comebacks felt lackluster. Magnus seemed fine at first glance but Lucretia saw the dark look in his eyes. Davenport barely speaks anymore. _

_ She sits at her desk now and the pen is shaking in her hand as she tries to put it to paper. She begins to write. Cycle one. She recalls as much detail as she can and looks at Davenport’s notes for clarification. _

_ Each cycle she writes in this book hurts her a little bit more. Writing down every small detail knowing it’s about to just be gone makes her hand cramp up on multiple occasions but she can’t afford to miss a thing. _ __   
_   
_ __ It takes her about three week to get it all down. During that time she avoids the team; she can’t face them knowing what she knows.

_ ~_~_~ _

Guards take Magnus away and she can’t watch it happen. Fisher is antsy as he seemingly slams his tendrils on the glass. The sound is heart wrenching and Lucretia takes a step towards him and puts her hand on the glass. Trying to calm him. It doesn’t work. She places her forehead to the glass now too. She hopes that whatever calming thoughts she can muster right now is making it through somehow. Fisher hums a low, sad sound as he places his bell on the glass as well.

“He’s gonna be okay, Fisher. Trust me, you can do that huh?” she says. Fisher takes a moment and then gives a low hum of agreement. Lucretia smiles and hums a small melody back.

She sends her old friends off to their respective new homes as she begins her work again in earnest. Things look very promising at first. Leads are easy to comeby. She likes her chances.

While in good spirits, she recruits Johann to help keep Fisher company; knowing the voidfish’s affinity for music. She walks by late at night sometimes to hear the melody he plays and she’s often taken back to the Conservatory where she lets herself think briefly of the duet Barry and Lup performed all those cycles ago before she shuts those memories off again as best she can.

One night, when she sees Johann snoring outside the door, she sneaks in, she’s allowing herself to visit an old friend just this once. She immediately sees the little one. She freezes and her eyes widen in terror. She doesn’t know how it’s possible. She instantly sees it as a threat.

Fisher hums happily and is practically begging her to come over to meet the baby. She doesn’t move. Fisher’s tone turns scared as he begins to curl around his child. Lucretia takes a moment and smiles and holds her hands up as she steps forward.

“It’s okay, buddy, I was just surprised! I, uh, wow…” is all she can say as she makes the rest of her way over to the tank.

It’s practically the same image as Fisher just much smaller. It floats and swims around the tank at such speed and Lucretia genuinely smiles as she watches it and even laughs a little. The moment is nice and she enjoys it. Fisher looks as content as he can be.

The next morning, she takes the baby. She can’t look Johann or anyone else in the eye as she hears the bellowing pleas of escape FIsher. She covers her face and wipes her eyes quickly so no one notices. She tries to remind herself it’s for the best. She can’t risk this mission. They’re all counting on her.

She doesn’t stop by late at night anymore.


	2. The Twins (pt. 1)

_ She doesn’t know what day it is, which isn’t really a new thing given the amount of time they’ve been on their mission but still they had a schedule. It mostly revolved around who cooked that night. Taako took the first day followed by Lup, then Merle would try his hand at it. Those were the days the team feared most, but of course they’d never tell him that. _

_ Then it's Barry, then Magnus, then Davenport, then finally her of course. They all were lousy cooks save for the twins, so it was really just each of the others trying to put something together while Lup usually hovered nearby to “observe” and step-in when needed. _

_ Lucretia smiles as she picks at her sad excuse of a meal now as she sits dirty and tired by yet another small fire she’s made. She would give anything to see her friends again. She’s searched all over but any tracks she finds turn cold within hours. She feels so hopeless and useless. She slams her fist hard on the rock floor of the cave and bites her lip to muffle the scream she’s holding in. _

_ Fisher reaches out to her from his spot next to her and she apologizes. She notes how big he’s gotten these past months and she makes a plan on how to keep him more hidden. She can’t lose anyone else, and she’ll do whatever it takes to keep that promise she’s made to herself. _

~_~_~

She's so tired. She doesn't know the last time she's slept but there's no time for sleep. There's a war coming and she's the only one who knows it. She's sitting in her office and it's littered with official documents and newspapers that tell of the latest towns in peril. Mysterious happenings that turn violent; cause unknown.

The last big report was about two weeks ago though and it wasn't much of a lead to go off on. She's hit a wall, her first one in a while and she doesn't know what to do.

She looks to a locked drawer on the right side of her desk and waves a hand in front of it. The lock clicks open and out she pulls out a small folded piece of...something.

She hesitates and takes a deep breath before she unfolds it.

It's a photograph. From the beach year. The seven of them are all leaning on each other. Lucretias in the middle, to her right Merle is next to her. Davenport next to him. The other side sees Taako and Lup hanging off each other, Barry is close by Lup's side. Magnus stands behind, towering over them all, practically blocking the sun in the shot. She smiles.

She focuses on Lup. The confidence she brought into everything. Her smile is bright and big. Of course a picture can't show it but Lucretia thinks of the big heart she had in her chest that helped keep her so grounded.

~_~_~

_ It's during that beach year where Lucretia sits on the Starblaster in the kitchen. She's writing something in her countless journals. She hears the waves outside and the sound of Taako screaming various surfing phrases each time he heads back out into the water. She's shaking her head at his antics but is smiling. _

_ Lup comes in and begins pacing the length of the space back and forth and back and forth while muttering something to herself over and over. She doesn't seem to notice Lucretia's even there. She clears her throat. _

_ Lup jumps and lets out a small scream. "Oh uh-hey Cretia. Didn't, uh, see you there," she says. _

_ Lucretia gives a smile of apology and raises her hands, "sorry i didn't mean to frighten you," she replies. _

_ Lup gives a distracted nod as she begins to pace again, her face giving off expressions Lucretia's never seen before. _

_ "Is uh," she starts, laughing a little, "is everything alright Lup. You seem...distracted," Lucretia says. _

_ Lup looks at her and seems to be debating something before she flops down dramatically at the chair across the table. She's silent for another moment and Lucretia waits. _

_ "Is it...weird that Barry and Taako are hanging out so much. I mean I don't...I don't quite see them being friends. It's just-it's just weird right?" Lup rambles on. _

_ "Forgive me but why would it be weird? We're all friends, Lup, we're-we're a team on a mission where we're all we have..." she says sincerely. _

_ Lup doesn't seem convinced by that answer but nods anyway. Lucretia's never seen her this nervous. She decides to bite, “What’s this really about Lup,” she asks. _

_ Lup looks at her with wide eyes, the blush is high and bright on her cheeks, “What? No-nothing it is great. I mean we’re all friends right? Like you said it’s just uh....weird. I don’t- Barry he, well he’s so gentle and kind and my brother can be-” she stops dead in her tracks. She looks at anywhere but Lucretia as her face twists in realization of what she just said. _

_ Lucretia smiles and laughs softly under her breath and Lup looks at her with a face that says something along the lines of ‘Please tell me I didn’t say that out loud.’ _

_ Lucretia grabs Lup’s wrist and gives it a soft squeeze, “Your secret is safe with me,” she says with a wink. Lup gives her a playful shove and rolls her eyes before letting out one of the most dramatic sighs she’s ever done. Lucretia smiles wide and thinks about just how similar the twins are from each other. They’re as thick as thieves and she’s almost jealous of their bond. _

_ “Well this will be sure to make the rest of this mission more exciting huh?” Lup muses; the blush still on her face. She has a goofy smile on her face though that makes Lucretia laugh as she goes back to writing in her journal. She sets aside a chunk to reserve it for the telling of what she feels might be an epic love story. _

~_~_~

Lucretia’s back inside her office. She bites the inside of her cheek as tears start to fall down her face. She folds the photo back up and places it reverently back in the drawer. She makes a decision.

She packs a small bag and heads to the last place the Phoenix Fire Gauntlet was reported to be, coordinates taken from the last of Barry’s notes from just before she did what she did. She reads up on the incident and her stomach drops with every sentence. A small seaside town known as Rivenwilde; a population of only five hundred destroyed within days. This was never what any of them intended; especially Lup. She gets so distracted in her in-flight research that her landing is rough because she pulled the lever too late. Her trajectory was all off and she cranes her neck to look out the window of the pod not really knowing where she is.

Lucretia takes a moment to collect herself. She closes her eyes and takes a deep breath in and out. She’s on a mission and she doesn’t want to fail it. Any of it.

She finally unstraps herself from the seat she’s in and winces. She’s pretty sure she feels that some bone somewhere is broken but she presses on. She takes the extra travel time to try and find any more clues as to where Lup could’ve gone. That letter they all found still sits in her head.

There’s so much that Lucretia regrets now and one of them is the relationship between or and Lup. It’s not like it was bad or strained, it just wasn’t as close as maybe Lucretia wanted. So many days on that ship she’d just admire the powerful elf from afar, never wanting to embarrass herself in front of her. That fear is what had kept Lucretia’s friends; her family at arm’s length and now as she limps along the path towards town she regrets not holding all of them closer when she had the chance to. That’s why she’s so determined to find Lup now, she needs to know she’s okay or at the very least  _ still alive _ . Lucretia needs to know that this wasn’t something else that was her fault.

She knows there’s a very strong chance that Lup won’t even know who she is, and with a tightness in her chest she thinks maybe it’s better that way.

There’s someone; something following her and it’s been following her for a while but she hasn’t been able to place anything. The air around her grows cold and the sun is beginning to set and she knows she should stop and rest soon but she doesn’t want to. This all reminds her too much of the year she spent alone and she’s determined to not let those memories get her.

It’s well into the night before she finally gives up and all but falls onto the ground as her body aches. She takes in the smell of dust and dirt and sighs. She’s too tired to set up camp so she doesn’t. She rolls out her bedroll and falls asleep almost instantly. She still feels like something’s watching her but she ignores it; chalks it up to her own paranoia.

It takes her a few more days to try and find where the town used to be and when she gets there she’s not quite ready for what she sees. An all too perfect black circle of glass lays on the ground and there’s a stillness in the air that makes her throat choke up.

She walks around; the area’s been long trampled over and any signs of Lup have seemingly been lost to time. She kneels to the ground and puts her head in her hands. Sweat falls down her face as she tries to think of what to do next.

She can’t give up; she owes Lup that much. She searches as far as her legs can carry her. Travels every possible route away from the glass and looks in every dark corner she has the courage to face.

It’s no use. There’s nothing solid she can go off of. After about three days she finds a clearing and summons a transport ball to start her journey back to base. The dead ends filling her with a new sense of determination to retrieve these relics and stop The Hunger once and for all.

She returns back to the moonbase and doubles her workload; she sees the worried looks her colleagues give her from the corner of her eye but she ignores them.

_ ‘If only they knew,’ _ she thinks.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yes I am Still Thinking About Lucretia thanks for asking.
> 
> See you next week! Hope you enjoyed!


	3. The Lover

_ Setting traps has always come easy to her. She’s learned how to protect herself and the rest of the team properly over the years and now that it’s just her and Fisher she’s been hyper aware of every sound she hears outside the cave. _

_ It’s been so long now but she doesn’t know how much time is left. She watches the sun rise and set over and over and she feels like there’s been nor progress. Between trying to teach herself stronger magic and trying to fix the ship she’s exhausted but she pushes on. She’s made herself a schedule of when to leave the cave and to do what. It alternates between what she thinks is most needed but it works. _

_ Today she heads to the ship and she freezes when she sees there’s someone already there doing repairs. The figure doesn’t notice her at first and she thinks she has a moment to run before being caught but she also can’t risk losing this ship. It’s all she has to save them all. _

_ She takes another step and the branch that cracks under her feet gives away her position. The figure looks at her. They lock eyes and the figure smiles... _

~_~_~

Efforts to find Lup are just getting harder both emotionally and physically. Lucretia can't take another dead end so instead she doubles her efforts in trying to find the relics. She's found a small team she trusts and they're so good at finding them but not so good at retrieving them. Person after person gets lost to the thrall and it’s hard to think positive at the moment.

She walks through base and sees the  camaraderie in the ranks. She sees groups laughing and talking with each other and she thinks back to the team but only briefly. She passes Johann as he walks towards Fisher's chambers with another instrument and at least five scrolls in hand. She smiles.

There's a chill in her office today, one she doesn't remember feeling before. She's on guard immediately but doesn't show it. She walks calmly to her desk and sits down.

There's a feeling on her hand and she looks down and inspects it. There's nothing there. She stretches out her fingers and focuses again on her work.

It's then she notices the presence in front of her.

A hooded red robed figure floats in front of her. It bears the old and familiar symbol of its chest. She stays calm. She knows who it is but she doesn’t dare acknowledge it. Not at first.

~_~_~_~

_ Barry and Lucretia have a lot in common; the biggest being they're both introverts. Neither really talks unless spoken to and the only exception to that rule is when someone brings up things they're passionate about. _

_ Lucretia's never known someone who loves science more than Barry does. Each new cycle he works himself harder and harder as he tries to find the light source faster and faster. It got to a point where no one would see him for almost weeks at a time except for short meetings to update the group on his findings. He’d walk in, give a report no longer than a few sentences then off he went to his room to get back to work. _

_ There was one moment Lucretia remembers, on a planet that was one of the most beautiful ones she had seen. The trees were gigantic and so green. Vines hung off the branches and connected them together. The wildlife was loud but their calls were strangely calming. The two suns reminded her of home and one day she woke up before sunrise on accident and got treated to such a show that she made a mental note to get up at that time every day and watch it from just outside the ship. _

_ One of those mornings she found a very tired Barry stumbling off the entrance of the ship. He held a mug of something and he stared out over the horizon. He's done this once or twice before but Lucretia never bothered him. He seemed too out of it most times to even notice she's there. Today, though, he spotted her and he jumped in surprise before he composed himself and walked towards her. She invited him to sit and he took the offer. They smile at each other warmly. _

_ "Hey what are you doing up so early?" he said. His eyes are as bloodshot as they can be and she wants to say something but holds her tongue. _

_ "The sunrise is nice. Reminds me of home. I come out every day,” Lucretia replied. _

_ “No kidding! Me too. Most days,” he said. _

_ “I know,” she said with a hint of teasing in her voice. Barry laughed and shook his head in agreement. _

_ “Yeah...yeah sorry I’m…” he trailed off. His eyes began to close. Lucretia shook him gently. _

_ “Barry are you...have you been sleeping?” there’s a worried tone in her voice now. Barry opened his eyes again and gave Lucretia an almost embarrassed smile. _

_ “I sleep on occasion, ‘Cretia. It’s just we’re...so close to this light source and so close to-to other things I can’t give up now we-there’s something happening. I can’t quite say what it is yet but I might have something. It’ll save all of us I know it,” he rambles on a little longer and all Lucretia can do is sit back and listen. It’s what she’s always been best at. _

_ He doesn’t go into much detail and she can tell there’s things he’s intentionally holding back but she won’t push; not yet. The minutes passed by and the two watched the duel suns rise over them with smiles on their faces. _

~_~_~

She looks at her old friend and her heart lunges up into her throat. She doesn’t know what to say. The red hooded figure lifts a sleeve and there’s a crackle of electricity at the ends where she assumes it’s hand should be. She hops out of her chair.

“I...you-I’m,” is all she manages to say. There’s a flash of light and she hides under her desk as the figure sends the lightning bolt in her direction. There’s a crash as pretty everything on top her desk goes flying. She lets out a small scream and closes her eyes to try and calm herself.

It’s silent but she knows he’s still there. She takes a few more deep breaths before she moves out from under safety.

There’s still sparks coming from the ends of the hooded figure. She looks at him, “Barry,” she says hesitantly.

The figure has no face but just from the way it floats Lucretia can tell she said the right thing to not be blasted again. Confirmation comes in the form of the sparks dissipating. She speaks again, “Barry I...I’m sorry. So much has happened I don’t. I’m just sorry.”

And she is. She hopes he knows that she’s apologizing for so much.

The figure moves closer to her and they’re face to face. Well, as much as they can be. She feels something wrap around her arm and she smiles. Tears are in her eyes now.

She sits, “You were all so upset. Lup she was...I couldn’t let you guys live on like that,” she says. Barry nods and she looks away. There’s an old anger that begins to boil inside her. “If you all just listened to me the first time this wouldn’t have happened. I have a plan, Barry, a plan that’s going to work and then-” she sees Barry pull back. The air in the room that grew warm starts to chill again. They’re having the same argument that caused all of this again.

She laughs and it feels and sounds bitter, “I’m  _ sorry  _ Barry, truly I am,” she says, she reaches for her wand and grips it tight, “but this will work,” she continues. She now holds her wand to him, “But in order to do that. I need you to leave and I need you to not. Interfere.”

Barry doesn’t move; he appears frozen. Lucretia stands and walks towards him slightly. She grips her wand even tighter.

“You can’t disturb the others either. They’re...happier now. And when I succeed we can all find each other again maybe but until then. Until I have what I need. You can’t be here,” she says. She can barely recognize her own voice because of how cold it’s gotten.

She stands up even straighter and the tip of her wand now glows, “If i see you again, Barry I’ll-” she stops to keep her voice from breaking, “I’ll kill you. Permanently.”

There’s no response from Barry who’s still floating there. Finally, he moves away and towards the door. There’s a little hesitation before Lucretia just sees him disappear.

She takes another moment before she drops her arm down to her side and then lets go of her wand as it hits the floor.

She straightens up, walks calmly back to her desk, and begins to cry.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed :3
> 
> See you next week!


	4. The Wordless One

_ Lucretia stands there frozen as the figure walks towards her. They...don’t have a shape. They’re just what best can be described as a humanoid walking beam of pure light with the slightest resemblance of facial features. Their eyes are perfectly round orbs of black. A grey line makes up their mouth. _

_ They stop about five feet from Lucretia, “Hello there. Is this your ship,” they say. Their lips don’t move. Lucretia doesn’t respond. She’s terrified and on high alert. _

_ The figure reaches out and touches her arm. In an instant she’s relaxed. Any tension she held in her body releases and she feels...warm, and good. She takes a step back and looks the being up and down, “Who..what are you,” she asks. _

_ “Is this your ship?” they repeat. They turn and make their way back to it. Lucretia watches as they just resume whatever repairs they were making. She takes a step forward and onto her old home. There’s a lot of work to do, for now she’ll take the extra pair of hands. _

~_~_~

“Davenport!” he says. Lucretia snaps out of her memory and looks over to her old captain. She gives the cheery smile to him that she always does. They one that’s maybe just a little too tight.

She gets up from her desk and hands him the papers she had prepared for him.

“There need to be taken to the Voidfish for erasing,” she explains.

“Davenport,” he says with a nod as he turns on his heel and exits the room. She watches him like always.

Months have passed now and seeing him in that state hasn’t gotten easier. All that knowledge, all that leadership he has in him locked away in a part of his brain she’s denied him. A part she made sure he’s forgotten, and what has she got to show for it now? Nothing.

She sighs and thinks maybe she’ll take a walk and clear her head. On the way out she passes one her office windows and glances at her reflection.

Her face is tired. The twenty years she gambled away prevalent mixed with the sleepless nights she’s had since coming back from that awful place. She hasn’t stopped thinking about Cam, either. Another person lost to this awful war she’s waged on herself.

She lets the cold air hit her face. She looks to see Davenport exiting the Voidfish’s chambers with his hands empty. He waves before heading the opposite direction.

She thinks…

~_~_~

_ “And you need me on this mission?” Lucretia stands dumbfounded in the middle of Davenport’s office. He’s sitting authoritatively in his chair and staring up at her with a bright smile. _

_ “Of course I do Lucretia. You,” he says, he stops to point a finger at her for dramatic effect, “you’re stories and accounts are amazing. You can help tell history. Hell, you’ll be helping make history here, ‘Cretia.” he says. He’s standing now and walking up to her. _

_ He smiles and holds out his hand, “Come on follow me. I think you should see something.” _

_ She takes his hand and she’s led out of his office and all throughout the building and across a courtyard until they finally reached a huge, unmarked hanger. It’s bigger than what she’s ever seen. _

_ Davenport smiles wide at her and wiggles his eyebrows. She laughs and gives him a look to let him know how ridiculous he looks right now. _

_ He signals to one of the guards at the door and they nod before turning to their partner and giving another signal of some kind. The hanger doors are opened and what Lucretia sees in front of her is the biggest ship she’s ever seen. _

_ Her mouth flies open and Davenport lets out a big belly laugh besides her. He pats her on the shoulder, “yes I thought you might enjoy this,” he says with a wink, “I’ll give you the full tour.” _

_ They spend at least the next hour talking about the ship and it’s special engine and how it’s prepared to transport the things they need to transport. Lucretia is already itching for her journal to write this all in later.  _

_ Oh. _

_ She looks at Davenport who’s giving her the biggest grin and a knowing smile. She blushes. _

_ “Lucretia this…” he gestures to the entirety of the hanger, “this is my life’s work. It’s...it’s all I know. I need you to help me remember it all. You’re the best of them. I need you on the team,” he says. There’s so much sincerity in his voice she’s stunned into silence for a moment. She takes another look at the Starblaser and smiles. _

_ She gives Davenport a nod, “Okay...okay I’ll join you,” she says. The two hug and Davenport is even so excited he picks her up and spins her around. She laughs in surprise. _

~_~_~

That’s the memory she always comes back to when she sees him. The trust he had in her was so real and unfiltered. She thinks now that maybe he trusted the wrong person. This wasn’t what he wanted. She was supposed to help him tell stories about their mission for the generations to come. Instead she’s made sure of the opposite.

“Davenport?” she hears from beside her. She jumps and realizes she must’ve just been standing in the middle of the small courtyard she was walking in moments before.

She looks at the worry in his face and waves a hand in his direction.

“I’m fine, Davenport, just...thinking is all,” she explains. She gives another tight smile.

He nods his head. She can tell he’s not entirely convinced but he’s not saying anything.

She excuses herself and Davenport looks disappointed but again he doesn’t really fight her. She returns to her office and begins to look over more and more papers. She sighs. It’s going to be another late night.

That’s when Killian rushes in. Says there’s reports Brian going rogue and Lucretia tells her to get down to Phandalin as soon as possible. She’s on edge again and tries to calm her breathing as she sends others out on possible damage control assignments. They all hop to and she can hear the roar of the canon blasting off another transport ball into the sky. They can’t lose this one. Not again. It’s...this is for Lup. Wherever she is. Lucretia can’t risk anymore people getting hurt again. She’s not even sure the town realizes it's there and she wants to keep it that way.

She’s so close to the gauntlet. She closes her eyes and prays to whoever may be listening.

There’s something that responds deep in her gut. The feeling of old friends.

_ They’re close. _

She takes in a sharp breath.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello i am back. Sorry for the delays its just..ya know :gestures vaguely: hopefully this chapter makes up for it a bit
> 
> Hope you enjoyed :3 
> 
> Trying to get back on top of this one bc I still have many Lucretia thoughts.


	5. The Peacemaker

_ It’s been weeks and the Starblaster is starting to actually look like the Starblaser again. It’s hull is mostly fixed and the bond machine is back in its rightful place. There’s still garbage and debris all around where their quarters are, because it’s a place where Lucretia can’t bear to look at yet. Not before she knows her friends are safe. _

_ “Lucretia,” she hears the voice of what could be considered her new friend. It’s been a weird exchange with this stranger. They’re not malicious and they never have been. In fact, they’ve helped Lucretia move this process along and she finds herself months ahead of schedule. Which is good, it gives her more time to find them. _

_ They don’t talk much while they work but the silence is comfortable. There’s a part of Lucretia that’s too scared to ask anything, in case they’re not really a friend at all. She always keeps one hand close to the dagger she has strapped at her hip. She hopes she won’t have to use it. _

_ “Lucretia,” they repeat, “who is this?” she turns and gasps as she sees Fisher float up to them. She runs over. _

_ “Fisher, I told you to stay, I-I, you can’t be out here,” Lucretia pleads. Fisher doesn’t seem to notice her and floats closer towards the stranger. They tilt their head like a curious cat and slowly reach out an arm. Fisher lifts a tentacle and they meet halfway. _

_ A low but powerful hum comes from...somewhere. Lucretia’s not sure if it’s from Fisher or from the stranger or both but she feels it vibrate through the trees and she’s worried it’s too loud. She goes to stop it but it’s already over. Fisher floats and spins around and gives a happy trill. There’s a new, blue light glowing around the stranger. Lucretia looks on in confusion. _

~_~_~

Shes doesn't know what to say to Merle when he invites her to the spa with him. She knows it's not a good idea. She knows that they've already been becoming too close again and it's risky to create these bonds. It's too painful; too raw. She still remembers it all. It’s taken so much to just be able to look any of them in the face again.

In spite of herself however, she accepts and she sits in the bath house with him. Hot water steaming up and filling the pores of her skin. She feels as good as she can be as she tries to relax and release some tension in her shoulders.

Merle is talking away about some plants or vines or something he heard from Pan and she tries her best to listen, but it was never really a topic of interest she cared about. She leans back in the tub, the back of her neck hitting the cold tile and she closes her eyes. She begins to drift off into a memory.

~_~_~

_ Merle likes to disappear after his parlays with John. The crew understands and they try to be as sympathetic as possible because none of them can fathom what goes on in there, even when Merle tries to explain it through wide eyes and stuttered words. _

_ He’s been gone a long time now though, and it might not be the most opportune time but he has to head in again. They’re far too close to the source now and they need more information. More answers. The window they have is closing. _

_ Lucretia is the one that finds him. He’s just off from where they’ve landed the ship, sitting in a field. He looks like he’s meditating. There’s vines around him sprouting purple flowers. She walks up slowly. _

_ “Merle?” she asks. He gives a low hum in response and sags his shoulders a little bit. He opens his eyes and turns to her. _

_ He gives a sad smile, “Hey, Cretia,” he says. _

_ She sits down on the earth next to him. “I...we were looking for you. It’s almost time to-” _

_ “Yeah. Yeah I figured,” Merle says. _

_ She reaches out and puts a hand on his shoulder. It’s a small show of friendship. He smiles a little happier this time and nods, “I just. Don’t know how to get through to him. This is all so fucked. I-I don’t know if I’m good enough for this,” he continues. _

_ Lucretia gives a nod of sympathy, “Merle you’re the only one that can. You can make friends with anyone. Even an evil like this. You...I envy your skills,” she says, “They way you use your word, Merle, it’s...incredible,” she says. She’s not just saying that and she tries desperately to convey that to him. _

_ She also realizes now that in this moment she’s seeing a side of Merle so rarely shown. He’s afraid and frustrated as opposed to his usual chipper and positive demeanor. It’s a moment she doesn’t take for granted.  _

_ He nods, “Yeah well it took a lot of trial and error,” he offers. _

_ Lucretia smiles, “Oh I know. You do remember we have spent the last fifty years together right?” she teases. _

_ Merle gives one of his big belly laughs and the vines almost move with him as they recede back and away from the two. “I guess you're right,” he says. _

_ They both stand up and walk back towards the ship. Merle hesitates another moment, “Well guess I better get ready,” he says. He turns to Lucretia and reaches for her hand. He takes it and squeezes. She smiles at him, “Thank you,” he says. She just nods and leaves him to prepare. _

~_~_~

She's positive she's going to lose them again. This relic is too dangerous. Magnus' chalice has too strong a thrall. The stakes are so high and she's convinced she's sending them to their deaths. Mission failed. Her family lost again. She can’t do this. She paces back and forth inside her office as they prepare to go. She can still call back the order. Keep them here, send someone else. Sure they’ll probably fail and die too but they won’t be- no she can’t think like that. It’s not fair to anyone. She likes to think she’s better than that, at least.

She hopes she is.

She wants to scream but there’s a soft knock at the door. Merle enters.

“Hey,” he says softly.

She blinks, “Oh yes Merle what is it,” she says.

“I just wanted to see if-if you were okay. You seem on edge about this.” he offers.

She lets out a sigh and tries to give a convincing smile, “I am fine, thank you Merle. This is just a very dangerous mission and I don’t know if-”  _ I can handle this,  _ she almost says.

Merle puffs out his chest and gives a nonchalant cough. He waves a hand at her in dismissal, “Please. The boys and I, we got this! This isn’t our first rodeo, right? We’ve come back before,” he says. She smiles. She really has missed his positivity.

“Yes but there’s a reason I’ve kept this until now. I don’t...know what will happen to you all in there,” she says.

“Hey I know I haven’t known you or Magnus or Taako for very long but-” he starts. She tries to not react to that statement. She keeps her face neutral and bites her tongue to keep from saying anything, “but we work well together. We’ll-we’ll get this chalice and come back sooner than you think!” he says.

Lucretia smiles, “I don’t doubt that you will try, Merle. I...thank you,” she says.

Merle smiles and gives a sly wink that makes her roll her eyes. He turns towards the door and goes back to prepping.

“Just,” Lucretia calls out as he has one foot out the door, “be safe,” she says.

“Always am!” he calls as he leaves.

She sighs and begins to pace again. She hopes the feeling in her gut is wrong.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Still trucking through this. Who needs a comprehensible posting schedule lol not me.
> 
> Hope you enjoyed! See you soon :)

**Author's Note:**

> *busts into Balance fandom three years late* hey y'all how crazy was that story????
> 
> I finished this not even 24 hours ago and I am still reeling and just....love Lucretia.
> 
> I already have like......the next three chapters written p much so I thought (and hope and pray) that gives me enough backlog to post weekly lol
> 
> Hope you enjoyed :D See you next week.


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